


doggy confessions

by lezz1e



Category: Z-O-M-B-I-E-S (2018)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Pining, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-20 04:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14253501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lezz1e/pseuds/lezz1e
Summary: “Puppy. I’m gay,” Eliza admits, letting out a breath, her eyes scanning Puppy as if the dog would react badly. Puppy was a dog, who probably didn’t even know what gay meant and even if Puppy did, they wouldn’t care: they’re a dog.





	doggy confessions

**Author's Note:**

> the addison/eliza is purely, an unrequited crush in this, sorry :(

“I know you’re a dog and you can’t comfort me or help me but,” Eliza starts leaning down into a crouching position before petting Puppy, her breath uneasy and her eyes skittish.

“I don’t know if I can say it out loud yet, so you’re kind of a precaution,” She continues before straightening out her back and taking in a deep breath, her hands diverting Puppy’s head so they were looking at her.

“Puppy, I think I’m.” Eliza starts, her hands petting Puppy abruptly stopping as she thought about the consequences of saying it out loud. Her stomach burns with fear as she realises that, if she says it out loud, everything will change. She can’t push it back to the corner of her mind or pretend it doesn’t exist- it would be out there, it would be true and she could never take it back.

She closes her eyes momentarily and relishes in the semi-ignorance she’s been living and welcomes the freedom of it because, she can’t do this anyone. She can’t sit there with boys looking at her in that way, talking to her in that way and pretend to herself that she feels the same way. She can’t sit there and pretend that when Addison looks at her, she doesn’t wish that she could hold Addison’s hand or kiss her lips. She’s gay.

She’s gay.

“Puppy. I’m gay,” Eliza admits, letting out a breath, her eyes scanning Puppy as if the dog would react badly. Puppy was a dog, who probably didn’t even know what gay meant and even if Puppy did, they wouldn’t care: they’re a dog.

Eliza laughs to herself and slaps a hand to her face, her whole body feeling as if it was lifted. The weight of her secret- the secret she’d even kept from her self for some time, had been lifted and for the first time she felt as if she could be authentically and definitely her. If only for this moment, if only with a dog who didn’t care whether she was a lesbian or not, she was free.  

She swallowed down audibly, thoughts swirling through her head. It would be harder to feign innocence now. It would be harder to keep it from Bonzo and Zed now. It would be so much harder now that she had the guts to admit it.

She couldn’t blind herself from it anymore or pretend that it wasn’t there. It was there. She had admitted it and now, she can’t seem to think about anything else.

Her mind swims through vast oceans of possibilities: how will her mum take it? How will Zed and Bonzo take it? Supportively of course. But would it be weird between them? Would they treat her differently? Will they even care? Did they already know? Was she the only idiot who didn’t know until now?

What was going to happen to her feelings for Addison after she’d finally admitted them? Would they get stronger? Would they dimmer? Would it put a strain on her and Zed’s friendship? God, Eliza did not want anything to come between their friendship. Fuck.

Fuck.

“Did you know I was a lesbian? Did you guess? Talk to me, Puppy,” She says, scratching behind Puppy’s ears as Puppy leaned into her touch. The only recognition from Puppy that Eliza had even spoken, was the subtle dodge Puppy did to avoid Eliza shouting in their ear.

“You’re a dog. I need to remind myself that you are a dog and therefore cannot talk,” Eliza comments, her lips twisting as she wracks her mind to find the signs- to find why she was gay. The train of thought diverting her from thinking too much about Addison, thinking too much about her friendship with Zed and thinking too much about Zed and Addison, together, in a relationship. Fuck she was fucking screwed.

“Do you think it was the computer stuff? Or growing up with two boy best friends? Or maybe it’s because Addison is way too pretty and maybe I’ll get over it? Huh, I don’t really want to get over it. That’s weird, huh. I mean it would be great to not like my best friend’s girlfriend but, liking girls. Is nice,” Eliza says, rambling off into twenty different directions in her head, her hands stopping on Puppy’s back as she got too involved in analysing herself.

“It can’t be the computer thing. Or the growing up with Zed and Bonzo. And yeah, Addison is pretty but I’ve always found girls pretty,” Eliza says, her thought to speech filter broken as she speaks a stream of consciousness.

“I’m, just a lesbian. No reasons,” Eliza concludes, straightening out her shoulders as she became confident in her conclusion- confident in herself. She lets a smile grace her features and gives Puppy a long and soft rub on their head.

She sighs contently, her hands slotting into her pockets as she stands up. A tranquil calmness radiating throughout her body, the worries of coming out, the worries of reactions and Addison and Zed and Addison-and-Zed and everything, buzzing away with a sense of freeness.

Eliza’s a lesbian, and she’ll figure everything else when the time comes.


End file.
